Beautiful Confusion
by TheFutureMrsLarios
Summary: Set days after Beautiful Redemption, Ethan struggles to reconcile his grief over Amma's death and his joy at being reunited with Lena. Once he hears Nineteen Moons, however, he realizes his problems are even bigger than he thought. Rated M to err on the cautious side.
1. Chapter 1

Seven down. P.R.E.V.A.I.L. As in, quit your mopin' and show some gratitude, Ethan Wate.

I was pretty sure that's what Amma would say, if she could say anything. But the last thing I felt like being was grateful. I had lost not one, but two mothers, and it was almost too much for me to bear.

I sighed and sat down in the kitchen, rembering all the times I'd sat here and 'helped' Amma cook-sneaking bits of cookie dough and sticking my fingers in her legendary pie filling.

"Remember boy, the Sweet Redeemer only gives us what he thinks we can handle," My hundred year old Aunt Mercy called from her spot on the couch. Harlon James howled in agreement, and covered his face with his paws.

"Yeah, well I wish He didn't think so highly of me." I knew as soon as I said it that I was in for a world of hurt.

A pillow flew towards my head. "ETHAN LAWSON WATE, DON'T YA DARE INSULT THE GOOD LORD'S NAME IN THIS HOUSE!" Aunt Grace screeched, sending Harlon James scampering out of the living room and into the pantry.

Never mind that it was my house.

"I apologize, Ma'am." I walked in front of them, and did the customary head-hang of shame.

"You're darn-tootin' ya do. Now git your fanny out of here before our Maker up and strikes us all with lightnin'." Aunt Mercy sniffed and turned her attention back to the TV, where she had been watching some trashy entertainment channel. "Grace Ann, I'll never understand why Thelma won't up and call that handsome Jim Clooney..."

I walked through the hallway, and the portrait of Ethan Carter Wate, the original meddling mortal, stared back at me. I stopped and walked closer to it. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something seemed different...

"YOU ARE PUTTING US AT RISK OF LIGHTENING STRIKE, BOY!" Aunt Grace shrieked, and I scooted out of the house as fast as I could.

_L, the Sisters are even crazier than normal without Aunt Prue. _As empty as I felt without Amma around, it was amazing to be back in this world with Lena. To touch her, kiss her, see her beautiful green and gold eyes look at me and not through me, felt incredible. I had missed Kelting most of all, though-nothing was as comforting as our silent communication.

_They miss Prue, and Amma. We all do. _Lena's voice in the back of my head made me feel simultaneously overjoyed and heartsick, if that was even possible. I had missed Lena so much, and now that we were in the same world all I wanted to do was be around her.

At the same time, though, my happiness with Lena was hard to reconcile with my grief and guilt over Amma.

Lena understood. She had gone through the same thing when she had brought me back from the dead, and killed her uncle in the process. I was determined to handle my grief better than she had though; I wasn't going to run off with any half-incubus, half-casters...

_Stay with me tonight, Ethan. _I could hear the sadness in her voice, and knew she was probably thinking about the same thing.

_I'll be there in half an hour. I love you, L. _I inhaled deeply, and got out the keys to the Beater. Link had given me the keys two days after I came back. He said he didn't need it anymore because he could rip wherever he wanted, but I was pretty sure he wanted to show me that he was glad I was back. Linkubus or not, he wouldn't be around for another week. After practically looking the End of Days in the face, Mrs. Lincoln had sent him off on church camp, where Link was probably singing Kum-ba-ya and halfheartedly roasting weenies around the campfire.

I climbed in the Beater and turned on the engine. I pushed one of the Holy Rollers' CDs in, and listened to three of their 'greatest' hits as I drove to the Stop 'N Steal.

I went in to the store, making a beeline for the pastries-I wanted to get sticky buns for Lena and I, and avoid any nosy questions about where I'd been for so long-or worse, about Amma.

"Savannah, I want this party to be classy-all wine coolers, none of that bud light. We're seniors now, we gotta be _so-phis-ticated_." I heard the all-too-familiar drawl of Emily Asher, and tried to walk away before they saw me.

"Ethan Wate, is that _you_?" Crap.

"Uh, hi, Emily. Savannah." I nodded at them, trying to plot a quick getaway.

"Thought you were never gonna come back from Savannah-that's where you were, right? It's so strange, all the lubbers and heat just up an' left the day you left, now didn't they, Emily?" Savannah smiled at me through narrowed eyes.

"Well, I was helping my aunt. She was sick." I had a feeling they weren't completely buying the story Amma and Lena had been spreading around.

"Never known you to be so helpful, Ethan. What are you doin' out buying sticky buns so late?" Emily stuck her hand on her hip.

It was 8:30. These girls were the next Sisters.

"Just hungry. Well I gotta go, I'll see you guys around." I walked away as quickly as I could.

"Sure was nice to see you, Ethan. And I'm sorry to hear about Amma. My Mama will be droppin' off another casserole for you and your daddy soon."

I didn't want any pity casserole, and that would make the fifth one Mrs. Asher had dropped off in a week and a half. I was surprised at Emily and Savannah's reactions-they were treating me less like Poor-Ethan-Wate-Who-Lost-His-Mama-And-His-Housekee per, and more like Ethan-Wate-Who-Is-Up-To-No-Good.

I shrugged it off. Maybe the renewal of the Order of Things had ended Southern hospitality.

I paid for the sticky buns and got out of there as fast as I could.

_Ethan, I'm here. _Lena's voice tickled in the back of my head. I felt pressure around my shoulders, like she had kelted a hug.

_Almost there, L._ I got in the car and turned the Holy Rollers back on as I drove the familiar road to Ravenwood, back to its normal lush state. I reached the gates that separated the manor from the rest of Gatlin, and felt a strange sensation come over me. I shivered, even though it had to have been 70 degrees out.

The Holy Rollers faded away and were replaced by the melody I had thought I was finally free from.

_Nineteen Moons, nineteen years_

_Nineteen sheds as many tears_

_From far, the young one waits in fear_

_For soon, the end will be here_

I practically jumped out of my skin, I was running so fast up the drive.

_Did you hear that?_ I kelted furiously.

Lena didn't respond, but I could feel her fear.

The door opened and Lena appeared, looking as beautiful as ever, but worried sick. She twisted her necklace around her finger as I took the steps two at a time.

She practically jumped into my arms as soon as I reached the porch, and I held her as tightly as I could. It was absolutely amazing to be able to touch her as much as I wanted now, even though that sounded a little wrong.

_I was thinking exactly the same thing. _I heard her and realized I'd been kelting. I loosened my grip a little, feeling embarrassed. She slid out of my arms and grabbed my hand, leading me up to her room.

_Macon is..?_

_In the tunnels, sleeping in his study._ I felt reassured that Macon wouldn't catch me in his nieice's bed-I feared his wrath only slightly less than the 'Sweet Reedemer's.'

We reached Lena's door and I picked her up, bridal-style. She smiled, her different-colored eyes glowing at me.

As I walked into her room, I was happy to see it looking exactly how it had the first time I'd come in here, and the day before the water tower. I laid Lena down on her bed, and she reached up for me.

I bent down and kissed her, loving how her lips felt against mine. I didn't miss the old elecrtic spark one bit-it had always separated us. But now, we could finally, really be together.

She pulled me down onto the bed and I held myself up above her. She grazed my lip with her teeth and let out a soft moan, and wrapped her legs around my waist. I kissed her back hungrily, loving how she gasped and held me closer.

She pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me, her hair wild and her eyes bright. I had never seen her look more beautiful. She leaned forward and slid her tongue in my mouth, and I ran my hands through her soft curls.

"I love you so much, Lena." I said between kisses.

She straightened up and took my hand, which she put under her shirt and started to guide upward.

"I love you more, Ethan Carter Wate."

She moved my hand farther, until I resisted.

"L, we don't have to do this now...I want you to be ready. You're only 16."

She climbed off my lap and laid down next to me. "I want you, Ethan. And now that I can finally have you, it's hard to control myself." She looked at me with her big beautiful eyes and I saw her desire.

As amazing as it would have been to have keep going, I knew that tonight wasn't the right time.

_L, I want you too. More than you can even imagine. But let's wait for a time when we're really, truly alone-and your uncle isn't close enough to kill me._

She giggled, and rested her head in the hollow of my neck. I wound my arms around her and held her close, loving how her warm breath tickled my chest.

_Let's try to get some sleep. It sounds like we've got another adventure ahead of ourselves, what with nineteen moons and all. Maybe my mom's working on an album._

She moved in even closer and sighed.

_Let's hope not. Goodnight, Ethan Carter Wate. I love you more than you can imagine._

I drifted off to sleep, holding on to the girl I loved and hoping things would always be this perfect.

I would soon find out that they wouldn't be.


	2. Chapter 2

I was standing in the middle of His Garden of Perpetual Peace, staring out across the grass dotted with headstones and weeping angel statues. No one else was in sight.

I saw a flash of yellow and pink out of the corner of my eye, and whirled around to get a closer look. I squinted through the fog but saw nothing.

A great black crow suddenly flew overhead, and I jumped. Exu? I wondered.

I heard a terrible scream from behind me-it sounded like a girl. _L?_ I kelted furiously as I bolted across the grass, not caring whose grave I stepped on.

I practically flew through past the magnolias until I passed an all too familiar one-the one right by my mother's grave. The girl screamed again, this time to my right, and I turned.

The edge of Macon's plot was a sheer cliff face, as if some giant otherworldly being had sliced a hole in the earth right behind the two lemon trees. I slowed to a walk, wary of what was beneath.

I heard the scream for a third time and saw two white hands clawing at the edge of the cliff. I ran to help and knelt at the edge of the cliff, but I was too late-the hands slipped, and the girl plummeted into the darkness.

All I saw of her was another flash of yellow and pink.

"_Ethan!"_ I woke up to see Lena hovering above me, her eyes wide with fear and confusion.

I wiped my hand across my face, and realized I was drenched with sweat. Lena brushed her hand against my knees, wiping away the greenish grass stains and dirt from where I had knelt by the cliff.

"Did you see it too?" I wondered if our connection had survived my last trip to the Otherworld-we used to experience the exact same hyper-realistic dreams. Though they were never exactly pleasant, having that connection made me feel less alone.

Lena nodded slowly, and I noticed bits of grass in her hair. "Did you see who it was? All I saw were flashes of-"

"Pink and yellow." I said, and she swallowed. I reached out for her, and she nestled against my chest, our sweaty bodies fitting together perfectly.

She wrapped one leg around my waist, and I immediately felt my desire for her spark-but if last night hadn't been the right time, right now was fifty miles away from opportune.

"Do you think it had something to do with nineteen moons?" I asked, mainly to distract certain parts of my body from the way Lena was laying across me. I was pretty sure I knew the answer already.

"These kind of dreams have only come with shadowing songs. I just thought that we were done with them." She buried her face deeper into my chest, and I breathed in the lemon-and-rosemary scent of her soft hair.

"Me too, L. I just fixed the Order of Things, can't the dang world keep it together for 5 minutes?" I chuckled, half joking and half serious. Throwing myself off the water tower, and the subsequent journey I had made through literal hell, felt like they had accomplished nothing now that the songs and dreams were back.

I heard a loud rip, and Link appeared at the foot of Lena's bed.

"Oh man, I don't wanna see this," He moaned, screwing his eyes shut.

Lena scooted away from me and wrapped herself with her quilt. "Relax, Link, we were sleeping. Why are you here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be off 'singin' the word o' the lord?" She quoted the Sisters.

Link sighed and ran a hand over his spiky hair. "Yeah. And I wasn't gonna risk rippin' or anything, on account a those bible thumpers don't ever sleep, I swear. It's unnatural." He looked up at Lena's ceiling and sighed.

I snorted. Linkubus was one to talk about unnatural. "What's wrong, man?" I asked, alarmed by his expression, a mix between embarrassment, fear, and confusion.

"I heard one a those songs. 'Nineteen Moons.'" My blood ran cold. Lena and I had always been the only ones to hear the shadowing songs, because any claiming, sacrifices, and/or Order repair had to be done by us. What did it mean now that Link could hear them, too?

Lena looked at me, her eyes wide and searching. She was probably wondering the same thing.

"I'm freaking out, man." Link ran his hand over his hair again. If he kept doing that he'd go bald, I thought to myself. It was something Amma would have said, and I felt another wave of grief pass over me.

"I don't blame you. We heard it, too." I looked over at Lena, who was twisting her necklace around her finger, with the faraway look in her eye that meant she was plotting something.

A familiar scratching sound at the door startled us all.

"Boo!" Lena whispered frantically, and before I even knew what was happening Link gripped my arm and ripped us into my bedroom.

"Sorry about that, man." Link sat down in what I now referred to as the incubus chair.

"It's cool. Thanks for getting me outta there before Macon tossed me off the water tower." I said, thinking he was apologizing for the abrupt exit.

"I meant, sorry about, you know...walking in on you and Lena." He looked at me, embarrassed. "I mean, I shoulda known, now that you guys can touch without getting all fried and everything. I just wanted to tell you about the song, and I didn't find you here."

I was equally embarrassed. "Nothing happened. We're still, you know..." I trailed off.

Link's eyes widened. "_Really_? Dang, if Rid and I'd been able to back then, we woulda just kept going..." He stopped, thankfully, before I was scarred with any more mental images.

"Ridley's coming back in a week, right?" I asked Link, hoping to change the subject. She had been in the Bahamas with the rest of her family for the last few days, 'recuperating,' as Macon had put it. She and her family had been through a lot over the past two years, and now that it seemed like Ridley was finally here to stay, they wanted to celebrate it.

"That's the plan, but you know Rid." My alarm clock went off, and Link jumped about a foot off the ground. "Holy crap, is it 7? I'm gonna be late for morning hymns!" He waved and ripped, undoubtedly more scared of his mom finding out he had skipped part of camp than of actually missing hymns.

I sighed and laid back down on my bed, shutting my eyes as tightly as possible. I could hear the Sisters squawking downstairs as they bossed Thelma around in the kitchen. I flipped over and groaned into my pillow, hoping to drown them out so I could get some rest. Caster dreams really took a lot out of you.

"BOY! Get your sweet buns down here!" Guess I could sleep later.

Breakfast passed like any other-the Sisters harrassed me about my hair (_Ethan Wate, you look like one a them sheepdogs!_) my clothes (_Ain't nobody taught you how ta do laundry right?_) and Lena (_No girl can go up inta your room, no siree bob. It don' matter what kinda 'connection' ya got, it's downright immoral!_)

I finally broke away from the breakfast table, under the guise of having to do some Christmas shopping. It was only ten days away and I'd barely made a dent in my list. I especially wanted to get Lena something special, because last Christmas had been only four days after Macon died and we didn't even celebrate.

On my way out of the house, I stopped in front of Ethan Carter Wate. It really was remarkable how much we looked like each other, but our love for two very different Caster girls made the similarities between us even greater. I shuddered, knowing how close Lena and had come to losing each other for eternity, like he and Genevieve had.

I turned to walk away, but something caught my eye. Had he...moved?

I stared at the portrait full-on, trying to catch what seemed off about it. I dug out my phone, deciding to take a picture of it to show Lena. Maybe she could figure it out. My phone was hardly fancy; it was a couple years old and had been dropped, kicked, and sat on, mostly by Link. I was hoping the camera still worked.

I raised it to take the picture, and the flash nearly blinded me. It was about ten times brighter than I remembered it. I clicked on the gallery button to see if the picture had even turned out, and I nearly dropped my phone.

Ethan Carter Wate looked exactly as I had seen him in the Far Keep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh, my god!" Lena shuddered and fumbled with my phone. She looked utterly repulsed-not surprising, considering Ethan Carter Wate looked he'd been soaking in a moldy pond for the last two hundred or so years-which was, in fact, exactly what he had been doing. His body was bloated and his skin greenish and deformed, hardly recognizable if not for the fact that I knew his face so well from his portrait.

"What do you think it means?" I hoped that it was a prank, like a Caster version of those plastic pictures that change if you turn them a certain way. Maybe Macon was just trying to spook me, in case I got any ideas about capitalizing on the whole being-able-to-touch-Lena thing.

"I've never heard of something like this before. Of course, cameras are relatively new to the Caster world..." She brought my phone closer to her face, swallowing as she studied it. "Ethan, he's wearing the locket."

She thrust the phone out to me, her eyes wide and fearful. I took a closer look, and saw that she was right. The locket was pinned onto his Confederate jacket, right over his heart.

"Was it there when you..?" She trailed off, but I knew she was referring to my encounter with the original Ethan Wate in the Far Keep. I shook my head, feeling my stomach drop.

That locket had found its way to us mysteriously, and even more mysteriously, had given us flashes of Ethan and Genevieve's sad story. The last time I'd seen it was when I had given it to Genevieve by her grave, who looked as though she could cry-that is, if a dark Caster's sheer was capable of crying.

"Well, you know what we have to do." I grabbed her hand and she nodded.

"He's not going to be happy."

* * *

"Uncle Macon?" Lena called out. We were standing in front of the door to his study in the tunnels. I shivered and stuck my hands in my pockets, almost missing the pre-restoration heat wave. Gatlin had been unseasonably cold ever since the Order had been righted, but we still hadn't had our first snowfall of the season.

The door suddenly swung open, and Macon smiled widely at us from his imposing desk chair.

"Good morning, Mr. Wate." He was wearing yet another smoking jacket, this one in a deep emerald. It made his eyes look unnervingly green.

Lena and I sat down in the two chairs in front of his desk. "Uncle, we have a problem." Lena twisted her necklace around her finger, and I inhaled deeply. Seeing her nervous made me even more uneasy.

"Indeed, you two always seem to." He folded his hands and leaned back in his chair.

Lena sat forward in her chair and grabbed his hand. "Look at this." Macon could see everyone's thoughts and dreams if he wished, though he and Lena seemed to travel on a different wavelength. He was only able to view her mind with her permission, and he got the clearest view when he touched her. Thankfully, Macon had only picked my brain once. I had a feeling that if he did it after last night, I'd be headed back to the Otherworld for the third time.

Macon's eyes closed as he delved into her thoughts. A look of intense concentration came over his face and he frowned.

A few seconds later he dropped her hand and opened his eyes. They looked different; duller, and slightly pained. "That was certainly something." He stood up and pulled a book off the enormous black bookshelf behind him.

_What did you show him? _

_The song, dream, and Ethan Carter Wate. _Lena looked paler than normal, her green and gold eyes each ringed with darkness. I leaned over and grabbed her hand. She turned to me and smiled tiredly. Up until last night, we thought we had finally gotten our version of a happy ending. Though I had lost Aunt Twyla, Aunt Prue, and Amma, being in the same realm as Lena was as close to perfect as I could ever dream. Now it all seemed like our world could go crashing into a thousand pieces.

I squeezed her hand, loving how soft and small it felt in mine. I was exhausted but knew I would go through whatever I had to do to stay with her, even if it took me back to the Far Keep.

We heard a knock at the door, and I jumped about a foot, startled out of my thoughts.

"Come in," Macon called, taking a seat at his desk again. Liv and John entered, each carrying a stack of old, dusty books, undoubtedly from the Lunae Libri. While John was bare-handed, Liv had on a pair of bright red, flowered oven mitts.

"What's wrong?" John looked at Lena and I warily.

"Goodness, John! Always assuming the worst, aren't you?" Liv playfully smacked his beefy arm. "Good morning, all!" Her smile faded once she got a good look at our faces.

Macon filled them in on the happenings of the last twelve hours. As he talked, I watched Lena. She had her eyes closed, her dark eyelashes brushing against her cheek.

_You are so beautiful, L._

Her lips curved upward and I squeezed her hand gently.

_You, Ethan Wate, are a true Southern gentleman._

_Not quite...would a true Southern gentleman have spent last night with his girlfriend?_

Her eyelashes fluttered open and she gave me a sly smile. We both knew what the law-abiding citizens of Gatlin would think of two teenagers sleeping in the same bed-the thought alone would have send the Sisters to an early grave.

"Do you have any idea who the girl in the dream is?" Liv's voice pulled us back into the discussion with Macon.

"I do have an idea, but I would prefer to wait until Wesley is able to discuss this with us. Now that he is hearing the shadowing songs, I feel he is a part of this particular mystery just as much as Ethan and Lena are." Macon stood up once again. "Lena, Ethan, could I perhaps send the two of you off to gather a breakfast platter? I'm afraid we'll be down here for a while, and sustenance is of such great importance."

Lena nodded. "Will Marian be coming too?"

"Indeed." I whirled around to see Marian in the doorway. She smiled kindly at me. "Hey there, E.W." Her voice was soft and kind, and reminded me of my mom.

"Ethan and Lena are kindly fetching us all breakfast." Macon swept in front of us, opening the door wide for Lena and I.

"Are you trying to get rid of us, Uncle Macon?" Lena's tone was teasing, but I knew she felt hurt. It did seem weird that Macon was trying to rush us out of the study, but who knows? His appetite had reached pre-Linkubus proportions ever since he had come back out of the arclight.

"'We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.'" Marian's eyes twinkled.

"Churchill?" I guessed.

"Thoreau." She shook her head in mock disappointment. "Now how about that breakfast?"

* * *

Lena stomped through the house towards the dining room. I could tell she was upset; she hated the idea of Liv having a closer tie with Macon than she did.

"Couldn't Macon just have Kitchen send something down to his study?" I asked cautiously. An upset Lena was a dangerous Lena.

"I assume so." A flower vase to her left smashed onto the floor. "I'm sure he wanted to get rid of me so he could talk to his 'dah-ling' Liv about whatever the hell's going on."

"L, come on. You know he loves you more than anything. And it's not like he could've asked John or Liv to go fetch breakfast. Liv would've eaten it all before it got to the study, and John wouldn't have gone anywhere without her." I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her from behind, folding my hands across her stomach. She sighed and leaned her head back into my chest.

"You're probably right."

I leaned down to plant kisses from her jaw to her collarbone, exhaling warm breath on her neck. She shivered, but I was pretty sure it wasn't from Ravenwood's frigid temperature. She moaned and pressed her body closer against mine.

_I want you._ She turned to face me, and ran her hands up and down my arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Her eyes burned with something I couldn't describe, and I leaned down to kiss her.

_We're waiting for the right time, L. I want to make it perfect._

_Wherever you are is perfect enough for me. _She tugged gently on my bottom lip with her teeth, and all I could think about was how I needed her as close to me as possible.

"I want to wait till we're married." I blurted out, and clapped a hand over my mouth. Where the hell had that come from?

Lena looked up at me, stunned. "I...didn't know you wanted that."

"I didn't either. It just...came out. I swear, it's like Amma was speaking through me or something." I sat down on one of the imposing dining room chairs, trying to figure out if that was what I really wanted.

From the time I was six years old, Amma had drilled the 'Right Order' of steps for life into my head-_"Ethan Wate, the first thing you're gonna do is get your fanny all the way through school. College, too. Then you're gonna meet a nice girl, one who can cook for you cause Lord knows you'd starve without someone takin' care of you. But you ain't gonna touch her till y'all are married, you hear me?" _It was strange, but I felt like Amma would swoop down and smite me from the Otherworld if I broke from the order.

Lena stood in front of me and grabbed one of my hands in both of hers. "If you want that, then I do too. I've loved you since before we met, and I know I'll go on loving you until the day I die." She smiled at me and I reached up with my free hand to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. "You are a true Southern gentleman, after all. I should have expected this."

I beamed down at her, the happiest I'd been since Amma's passing. "I've known you were the one for me since I met you." I stroked her cheek with my thumb. "But we can't get married until you're at least eighteen, not if we don't want the whole town to think you're-"

"Pregnant?" She finished for me. I nodded, and she slid into my lap. "I don't care what they think, as long as I'm with you." She leaned her head against my chest and I rubbed her shoulders.

"How about we get married on your eighteenth birthday? It's only a little more than a year away."

"Ethan Wate, is this a proposal? I expected more romance from a true Southern gentleman." She giggled.

"No ma'am," I laughed as she pretended to swoon. "You'll have to wait on that, too."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and looked up into my eyes. "I would wait a thousand lifetimes for you, Ethan."

A loud crash from Kitchen caused us to spring apart. Two breakfast trays lay on the dining room table.

"Looks like we're making Kitchen sick." I joked as i gingerly lifted the trays laden with towers of toast, pancakes, waffles, two bowls filled with syrup and lemon curd, what was probably once a prizewinning pig at the county fair, now in bacon form, and two large pitchers, one with water and one with orange juice.

Lena stood on her tiptoes and kissed me sweetly. "Let's try to sneak away to Greenbrier later today."

"It's a date," I grinned as I led her down into the tunnels, where I was sure a hungry Macon was waiting impatiently.


	4. Chapter 4

"'_The young one waits in fear_', and ' t_he end will be near_?'" John's voice carried out of Macon's study and into the tunnel, his skepticism hard to miss. "Isn't this all a little...I don't know, vague?"

Lena shook her head and opened the study door, not bothering to knock. I followed behind, my arms laden with the breakfast trays.

"Vagueness is at times an indication of nearness to a perfect truth." Marian stated carefully, and rose to help me with the trays.

Liv looked puzzled. "Churchill?" She grabbed a piece of toast and began munching furiously.

Marian shook her head. "Charles Ives."

"Lila Evers sent the shadowing songs in the past, and they all turned out to be accurate in their predictions, if that is the proper word." Macon folded his hands neatly in his lap and surveyed the room.

"She said Amma helped her." I added, not particularly liking his omission of Wate.

"Indeed. With Amarie in the Otherworld, we can assume that the warnings in the shadowing songs are more precise than ever." Macon gave me a peculiar look, halfway between pity and regret.

Super. The newest verse seemed even more apocalyptic than the ones my mom had sent during the weeks before the water tower.

Macon leaned back in his chair and gestured to his desk, nearly covered by the trays. "I feel we could all use some nourishment. Why don't we save this less than pleasant topic for later, and perhaps focus on the upcoming holiday instead?"

He casually helped himself to an impressive blueberry scone and the others reached for plates hungrily. Lena was the only one who didn't move; her eyes were narrowed on Macon.

_He's worried. I bet it's worse than we think. _She kelted, and I felt my stomach tighten.

_L, he's stuffing his face. Did you see the size of that scone? People who're worried can't eat that much._

_Haven't you noticed that ever since he came back, he eats his feelings? _I saw a hint of a smile on Lena's face and had to suppress my own.

_Maybe he should call Jenny._

_Yeah, right after we figure out why your mom's sending us another shadowing song, why we're getting those dreams again, and why Ethan Carter Wate looks like a zombie. And tell him we're getting married._

I swallowed. The last one would be the hardest, by far.

* * *

Macon refused to talk about any of the recent events until Link came back and Lena was exhausted and in need of a nap, so I ended up taking the Beater out to do some Christmas shopping. Only ten days left, and I still hadn't started my shopping.

I ran over a list in my head as I drove: A tie for my dad, since he had to dress nicely for his job at the university and the last time he'd been shopping was before my mom died; the complete collection of the tv series E.R. for the Sisters and Thelma, because of their appreciation of 'that handsome Jim Clooney;' a cowbell for Link, so I'd know if he was creeping around my room in the middle of the night, and we never gave each other real gifts anyway; something special for Lena, two things-her birthday was four days before Christmas and I didn't want her to feel cheated; and for Amma-

My mind froze. I'd forgotten that this would be my first Christmas without Amma, and realizing it felt like a knife in my stomach.

She wouldn't be there to bake enough Christmas cookies to feed an army, set out the miniature village my mom had loved, hang the stockings on the fireplace despite my reasoning that I was, after all, way too old for any of that, or drag me to midnight mass on Christmas eve.

I pulled over to the shoulder of the road and turned the engine off. I felt empty, just like I did every time I remembered she was gone.

Knowing she was gone because she had been protecting me made me feel even worse.

_I miss you, Amma. I wish you were here. _I kelted to her, even though I knew she wouldn't hear. I felt a prickling behind my eyes and squeezed them shut, trying to keep it together.

I sat like that for a minute, until I heard a soft patter against the windshield. Tiny flakes of snow were falling-the first snow of the season.

I'd never really believed in signs, but I knew that if anyone could control the weather to reassure someone, it was Amma.

* * *

"Ethan Lawson Wate, where have ya been all day?" Aunt Mercy bellowed as I bustled through the door, shopping bags in hand.

"Christmas shopping, Ma'am." I deliberately avoided looking at Ethan Carter Wate as I hurried through the hallway, out of the cold.

"Hope ya got us something nice, boy!" Harlon James came scampering over to me, probably smelling the bone I'd gotten him at the pet store in the Summerville mall. I lifted the bags higher and stared him down.

He stared back just as intently, and I wondered for half a second if Lucille Ball was the most intelligent pet in the house.

"Well, you'll find out in ten days Ma'am."

"Ten days?" Aunt Grace tore her eyes off the game show she'd been watching and looked surprised. I nodded.

"Well I'll be, it's that close? We don't have any a those garlands, or a tree, or cookies, or even a baby Jesus!" She looked horrified.

"No baby Jesus?" Aunt Mercy exclaimed. "How on earth can ya have Christmas without a baby Jesus layin' in the manger?"

"Don't you worry, girls! Ethan and I'll get the whole house sorted out, won't we, Ethan?" Thelma leapt up and flashed a big, toothy smile. I nodded reluctantly, resigning myself to an afternoon of pulling boxes down from the attic and decorating to the Sisters' exact specifications.

I ran upstairs to put my bags down in my room; I'd gotten everyone's gifts, except for Lena's. I still didn't know what to get her-what was the appropriate gift for your Caster girlfriend, soon to be fiancee, who brought you back from the dead and just happened to be the most powerful person on earth? It wasn't socks, I at least knew that.

I turned to walk out of my room, but noticed one of my shoeboxes poking out from behind the door. I bent over to pick it up, and realized it was the box I'd put my mom's Christmas village in.

I smiled as I took out the miniature lamp post, and my room faded into His Garden of Perpetual Peace.

The place was eerily quiet, and I shivered as I felt a gust of wind hit me. I walked between the graves, knowing I was in the strange dream again.

I heard the girl's scream, and saw a flash of pink and yellow out of the corner of my eye. I whirled around to see what it was, but I was too late. I looked over my shoulder and saw the familiar magnolia tree.

The girl screamed again, and this time I knew where it was coming from. I ran to Macon's grave where the ground had been torn away behind the lemon trees, and kneeled down to grab the pale hands clutching desperately at the edge.

I was too late to grab them, but this time I saw the girl's face as she fell.

_Ridley Duchannes._


End file.
